i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My vagina is very pro this idea
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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