We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
In America we eat man semen.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
