Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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