it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
