why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
