Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
