You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize