Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
