I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
