I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
