if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
