I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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