i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
