ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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