i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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