i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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