I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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