I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
