Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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