We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
