you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
