You're a womanizer and a bitch.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
