from now on my penis is your penis
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
