he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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