I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
