someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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