I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
