hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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