I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Randomize
