dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
