ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
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I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you