3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick