So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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