wat bout pragnant strippers??
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
