dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*