My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.