If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
