Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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