Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
