i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
