new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
