I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
