I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
