I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
