My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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