No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
