I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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