i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
