she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Boobs are out for the taking
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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