"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
