pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
