im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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