maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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