I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
