I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
