i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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