Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I looked at my own cervix.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
