Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
