I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
pray to the hookup gods
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
