I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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