if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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