her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
