She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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