I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
