seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
