So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
