So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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