Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
