You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
