GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
