Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
