On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
