i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
