that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
