I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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