8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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