I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dignity is for republicans.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
